not quite an act of desperation
by adifferentoutlook22
Summary: Connor's hurt, Hank helps, Memory Loss, All that Jazz. tl;dr: I'm bad at summaries. Enjoy! (new 2020 update within. hope you'll stick around)
1. Connor?

I do not, and sadly will not ever, own Detroit: Become Human. (Do I still have to say this?)

* * *

Hank had missed having Connor around. For a few weeks after the liberation of the androids Connor had left. Not even Markus knew where he was. And then he just appeared, at midnight, sitting on that bench in the park where Hank had confronted him about death.

Hank was sober, actually. He was sober more often now. There was too much to think about. He needed more clear head space.  
It didn't mean he was never drunk though. This was just one of those moments.

It was freezing, and Connor was shaking on that little bench, his hair caked in frost. His tie flapped in the wind, and Hank was unsettled by the fact that he was still wearing his Cyberlife uniform, while almost all of the androids now wore normal clothes. His LED was a strong, steady, pulsing red.

Hank walked over to Connor, only to see his eyes were closed, and some thirium had leaked out the side of his mouth. It wasn't invisible, so it must've happened recently. Hank panicked.

"Connor! Jesus, Connor, are you okay?"

"...H-Hank?"

*Stress Level: 82% and Lowering*

* * *

(...) skip, i guess (...)

* * *

Connor was bundled in blankets on Hank's sofa, Sumo nestled underneath his arm, resting on his legs. Hank had insisted on Connor getting out of his soaked uniform, so he was wearing an old Nights of the Black Death tour shirt with some pajamas that were much too big for him.

*Stress Level: 3%*

The smell of tea drafted through the room. Green tea, Connor noted. Odd, he never imagined the Lieutenant would enjoy something like green tea. A warm fuzzy feeling spread throughout him as he leant back on the cushions, and Hank sat down next to him, blowing softly on his tea.

"Care to tell me what happened, kid?" Connor jumped, not expecting Hank to speak just yet. He was rather enjoying the comfortable silence.

"I-I, um, what?" Connor's LED blinked yellow, confused.

"Why you disappeared for what, 4 weeks-"

"Three and a half." Connor interjected.

"Let me finish. What happened? You just disappeared, and now I just find you here. We were all worried." Hank finished, taking a long sip of his tea afterwards.

"I don't remember." Connor began, "I was with Markus, back at Jericho, helping the rest of the hidden androids, and then I was somewhere, I couldn't figure out where, but some of my biocomponents were damaged and I was redirecting the energy from my sight to fix them internally."

"You're all fine now though, right? Connor?" Hank was worried again, so Connor quickly cut him off with: "Yes. Some of my systems are running slower than usual, but that's all."

Just a little white lie wouldn't do any harm.

"Continuing, I don't remember anything after that. I ended up on that bench. Now I'm here." Hank sipped his tea. He still seemed anxious, but less so. Connor was calmer than he thought he'd be.

"Well, you're here now kid, and you're staying with me."

"Hank, I can't do that, I'll-"

"Too late, you're stuck here with me and Sumo." Hank smirked, and Sumo stirred a little in his sleep.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

* * *

For my first fanfic, what do you think? Reviews appreciated!

I may add another chapter, I don't know.

Thanks!

\- Olly


	2. Suspicions

Still don't own D:BH.

* * *

It had been a month, maybe a month and a half, since that night in the park.  
They didn't talk about it.  
There wasn't any reason to, anyway.

Connor was settling rather nicely into normal life. Hank was proud of him, and now spring was approaching at full force Connor was more excitable than ever. It was kind of adorable. They'd seen Markus quite a few times by then, and he was relieved beyond belief.

That morning, though, Connor was acting strange - he was just staring into space. It was clear he wasn't in stasis mode; he usually liked to mimic the position of 'sleeping humans', curled up on the sofa. But there didn't seem to be anything wrong either, his LED was blue, but flickering yellow every so often.

"Morning, Connor." Connor visibly jumped at the noise. "You thinking?"  
"Not really, Hank. How are you?" And that was the end of it.

Later that day, at the office, Hank realised how quickly Connor had changed the subject. He wasn't hiding anything, was he? He would talk to Connor about it, but the right for androids to have jobs hadn't passed yet - not even for Connor. All he had now was Fowler and Gavin to piss him off until he could get home and be reassured by Connor and Sumo.  
Connor had recently become enthralled with old sci-fi films - they were pretty rare to find, nowadays, but every so often he'd get home to find Connor watching Blade Runner, or The Matrix, or even Jurassic Park, once. Brushing his previous thoughts about secrets aside, he wondered what crazy movie he'd find Connor intently watching that night, with an exhausted Sumo on his lap, nuzzled into his arm.  
The thought made Hank smile, but more importantly made him forget about his suspicions.

He was pretty sure Connor wouldn't keep secrets like that from him anyway.

* * *

A timeskip? Possibly.

* * *

When Hank got home, he was proven to be right. A sleeping Sumo, a captivated Connor, and Wall-E playing quietly in the darkened room. It was clear Connor had tided up a bit - he often did anyway - as the floor was clean and sparkling, almost, and the table was clear. He usually insisted Connor didn't do things like this for him, but it was for the best - even Connor himself had admitted that after the action filled last couple of months, sitting down all day with nothing to do except buy groceries (which he hardly had to do) or walking Sumo was extremely unfulfilling.

Both were so spent; well mainly Hank, but that was besides the point, that Hank either didn't bother, or couldn't remember the incident that morning. It was probably just a one time thing anyway. Right?

* * *

I decided to do a second chapter because I have no self control. This may have one or two more chapters - so stay updated!

Thanks for reading, I guess!

\- Olly


	3. Consequences

I don't own Detroit: Become Human? What a shock! (Hey, there's a mild-ish description of a panic attack in this chapter, so if that's not your cup of tea, feel free to click away! Just a lil' warning.)

* * *

It happened when he was walking Sumo.

Connor was flicking through his memory files, each catalogued to his liking. To put in simpler terms, he had one eye on Sumo, the other on his vast array of video, audio and even sensory memory files. He scrolled through, making sure everything was in it's place, humming a tune he'd heard on one of his favourite movies - Blue Monday, he believed it was called. Connor didn't care much for the lyrics but the tune was lovely-  
But then he happened upon a file he didn't recognise.

It was corrupted, at best. Connor stood still - his attention now entirely on the file. He wanted to examine it, but he didn't want to potentially glitch all of his systems right here, in the middle of the street.  
The street. Sumo. Connor must've been standing completely still for more than a few minutes, and Sumo was whining and brushing up against his legs.

Connor decided to examine the file later, at home, when he had time - but ended up procrastinating it to the next morning.

That was a bad decision. Connor was curious - he wanted to know about the file, and he wanted to know now. But Hank would be home soon, and picking apart the data of it so it wouldn't corrupt everything would be time-consuming. However, this only meant that he thought about it all the time. Having control of his thoughts and his systems and his feelings felt wonderful as a deviant, but this- this preoccupation with such a small, irrelevant thing was annoying, to say the least.

But he tried the best he could to ignore the feelings, and ended up examining the file the next morning.

It took way longer than Connor expected, and his estimate was quite high. But eventually the code was feasible, and Connor managed to examine the file.  
After viewing it, Connor thought. What does he do now? What does he do with this information? He certainly can't tell Hank.

But he thought too much, and didn't notice Hank walking into the room.

"Morning, Connor." Connor was startled, and snapped up to look at Hank. "You thinking?"

* * *

Is it a bird, is it a plane? Nope, it's just a timeskip?

* * *

Connor immediately realised that some things aren't that great to remember. He was thinking about it the next day - it was normal, he was just reflecting upon the situation - when a sudden onslaught of terror and panic shook him. Androids didn't need to breathe, although the RK800 model did, as did many others, for realism - but Connor was gasping, wheezing, for oxygen he did not need. His LED circled a bright, alarming red, and he crouched under the kitchen table, grabbing one of the legs like it was a lifeline. The same table where he-

Connor slapped the sides of his head, trying to forget.

*Stress Level: 79% and Rising*

He needed to focus. Just focus. He tried listing the biocomponents in an RK800 model. He fumbled in his pocket for his ever-present coin, only to realise it was on the counter, out of reach. He tried reciting every letter or number of code in that file-

That file. That fucking bastard of a file. Connor hated to swear, but took a leaf out of the lieutenant's book in describing the file.  
There wasn't a better way to.

That's what was causing this. Connor needed to delete the file - so this would stop. So all of it would stop and he could stand again, so these emotions wouldn't ravage him but-

But he didn't want to lose any more memories. It was scary the first time, so obviously he wouldn't want to do it again.  
Running the diagnostics of the situation calmed Connor down a little.

He put the file out of his mind. He gripped the edge of the sofa and forced himself to his feet, albeit shakily. He made a mental note to ask Hank about the human implications of what just happened.

*Stress Level: 36%*

Waiting for Hank to get home wasn't a fun task. He was too emotionally exhausted to clean or do something productive, and ended up sitting there, getting up once to get Sumo's food, and once more to double check that his death grip on the kitchen table hadn't broken it in any way.

* * *

Hank had a quiet day in the office. Gavin was out doing 'real police stuff' and Fowler seemed to be minding his own damn business for once. So, when he got home, mildly content, he wasn't ready for an armful of scared android son.

* * *

Well that was longer than I expected! I hope it's okay! I'm thinking of rounding off this story with the next chapter and a confrontation with Hank, so stay tuned!

Reviews appreciated! Thanks for viewing!

\- Olly


	4. Very, Very, Very Late Update

Hey! It's been a while, hasn't it? Two whole years, in fact.

For fun, I decided to log back onto this abandoned account, see what was still floating around on here, and I found this, probably my first proper fic.

I hold it close to my heart for starting my love of fic-writing, even if I never finished the finale.

So I will be revamping this account, and rewriting this entire fic, in the near future! Thanks for sticking around, I really appreciate it.

And hey - if you're new, you'll still get a whole new fic out of it! Win for everybody.

Keep an eye out. I'll update this fic when the rewrite is published.

\- adifferentoutlook22 (hopefully changing that soon, haha)


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